3 reasons why you’re struggling to achieve your goal in 2024

New Year, New You! Am I right!?

No, I know, it’s too much.

Honestly, there is so much pressure to set new goals at New Years; to finally bring that life you’ve been dreaming of into fruition! And so I thought it would be a good time to talk about goals. More specifically, why you’re not achieving yours. Come along with me!

So recently, I’ve been struggling to wake up at the same time every morning. I find myself needing more sleep in the morning and prioritizing that over waking early. I was getting frustrated at myself and I thought I should be able to just brute force it- like Nike says, “Just do it”!

Have you ever made judgements like that about yourself? Unconsciously, you attribute your inability to do something, with a deeper “truth” about who you are. When you can’t stick with the goal you’ve set for yourself, you think, “Why can’t I just do it?” and “It’s not that hard.” You subconsciously blame and shame yourself for not meeting your own expectations.

And how do you think blaming and shaming impact motivation? Well, not positively! Imagine you had a friend who was struggling to stay consistent in achieving their goal, would you blame and shame them? Or, would you try to empathize and help them seek a solution?

Today, I invite you to re-evaluate yourself and your goal. I can guarantee that there are reasons why you aren’t achieving your goal, and none of them have anything to do with you being lazy, incapable, or weak.

Here are three reasons why you’re struggling to achieve your goal:

1. You’re not setting the right goal

I decided recently that I am not going to worry about waking up earlier. Why? Because there are actually deeper reasons why I am struggling to wake up earlier, and I need to address those first.

There have been lots of changes in my life in the last year, and with those changes, came anxiety. I realized that my brain had gotten so used to this anxiety, that it struggled to shut it off. My fearful thoughts had gotten “sticky” and they were keeping me up at night. Additionally, with a cross-country move, my schedule had gotten thrown off, so my nighttime routine was out of whack. I decided to focus on these priorities first, before forcing myself to wake up earlier.

You see, what I realized is that the inability to wake up earlier was actually a symptom of something deeper that needed my attention. So often, we try to resolve a problem in our life by setting a new goal, not realizing that the problem is actually a symptom of a larger underlying issue. And as we all know, addressing a symptom may temporarily work, but it won’t resolve the issue in the long run, if you don’t address the underlying cause.

So, take a moment and reflect on the changes that you are struggling to make. What goals have you set that you have been unable to achieve? Can you be certain that these were the right goals to begin with, or, were there underlying issues that needed to be addressed first?

2. The goal is too big

I find it quite hilarious how many times we make assumptions about ourselves, when the assumptions aren’t actually based on anything substantial.

Let me bring you back to my example of setting a wake-up time. The truth is, my desire to wake up earlier was based on my want to get up earlier and my assumption that I should be able to do it. In other words, the goal I set was based on nothing that would actually indicate that it’s a reasonable goal.

What I’d like to encourage, is a spirit of curiosity and experimentation when setting new goals. Because if this goal is new to you, then you don’t actually know what’s reasonable. You can look at this like doing market research on yourself. In order to know what your bandwidth is now, you have to test things out to see where you’re at. And you have to commit to doing this with an attitude of non-judgement, because more likely than not, you will set a goal that is too high and you’ll have to scale back. Instead of beating yourself up for that, look at it as feedback from your market research and make changes accordingly.

Here is a great example from one of my clients: She decided that she wanted to get in shape and feel better physically. So, she set a goal to exercise 20 minutes each day. To her surprise, she had trouble sticking with this goal. She felt so much shame, and she blamed herself, saying that she is just being lazy. When I asked her how she set this goal, her response was that 20 minutes seemed doable, especially for a former athlete like herself.

Quick PSA! Stop comparing yourself to your former self! So often, comparison is the invisible monster that high-jacks our success. We often hear about how we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, but no one really talks about how often we compare ourselves to old versions of ourselves!

We say:

“I used to be able to do x!”

But logically, just because we used to be able to do something, does not mean that we should still be able to do it exactly the same way. It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Especially if that thing hasn’t been our focus for years.

When I pointed out to my client that going from no exercise to 20 minutes a day, was a huge jump, she was shocked! It was a major turning point.

Whatever you have to do to make that happen, do it. That way, you build a habit of showing up for yourself, you build trust in yourself, and you build motivation by achieving small wins along the way.

When I asked her what would be a more achievable goal in light of this new mindset, she decided that 5 minutes a day would be doable. And guess what? She did it! And what’s more, many times 5 minutes turned into 30 or 40 minutes! But to build the habit of showing up, she had to meet herself where she was at, and that meant starting with 5 minutes.

So, where do you need to shift, in order to meet yourself where you’re at? And how might you need to let go of a past version of yourself, in service of your present goals?

3. The goal is too rigid

Yes, yes, goals are supposed to be specific! We hear that all the time, don’t we? And while it is important to have detailed goals, sometimes, we create goals that are too rigid.

When my client first decided that she wanted to start working out, she was set on doing yoga for 20-minutes each day. What she realized though, is that some days she didn’t want to do yoga. When she re-evaluated her goal, she realized that she didn’t need to be so rigid about what kind of exercise she did. In fact, giving herself the flexibility to choose something else, gave her a lot of power. Some days, she just wanted to go out and take a walk. So, her goal shifted from doing 20 minutes of yoga to doing 5 minutes of movement. Any kind of movement! That helped her show up consistently for herself, even while busy or traveling.

As for myself, one of the things that has helped me in setting less rigid goals, is adding in structured flexibility. It sounds like an oxymoron, but let me explain…

We are all a mix of masculine and feminine energies, and our individual mix impacts our propensity for how much structure v. flexibility we prefer. Personally, I am highly feminine, which means that I prefer less structure, and you better believe I love my flexibility! But, that has gotten me into trouble at times, because success requires a mix of both.

I’m sure you can agree that without structure, life becomes chaotic and productivity can suffer. So, I’ve found that what works for me is having a structure within which I incorporate flexibility: Structured flexibility.

For example, every morning I work out. My workout is structured into my day. But within that time, I give myself the flexibility to choose what kind of exercise I do. Some days, I have the energy to do cardio or a high intensity workout. Other days, I prefer gentle yoga, stretching, or qi-gong. I don’t feel the rigidity because I’ve incorporated flexibility into my structure.

Similarly, every day I write. My job requires a lot of writing: blog articles, workshops, marketing campaigns, etc. So within the structure of my days, I build in time to write. But, I get to choose what I work on and what I write about.

As a side note, I actually do the same thing that my client does here, and I set a goal of 5 minutes of writing per day. Inevitably, 5 minutes turns into a few hours! But, on busy days, I still get 5 minutes in no matter what, because I always show up for myself.

So my friend, if you are a creative soul like me, I invite you to reflect on where you can incorporate structured flexibility into your days.

The importance of self-compassion

The one quality that all of these points have in common, is that they allow for more self-compassion. Unfortunately, self-compassion is often forgotten in the conversation around goals.

We hear so much about discipline and consistency. And it’s no surprise, since these are very masculine qualities and we live in a world that prioritizes masculine traits. But, when you try to brute force change through discipline and consistency, and without self-compassion, it leads to unhappiness and burnout. It’s counter-productive. Self-compassion is key, and here I’ve given you three ways to show yourself more of it in 2024.

In summary:

1. Choose the right goal, and be sure you’re not focusing on a symptom of an underlying issue. If there is an underlying issue, start there.

2. Meet yourself where you’re at, not where you think you should be at. That means stop comparing yourself to your former self, and set more reasonable goals!

3. Build structured flexibility into your goal, to ensure that you have room to flow, and to allow yourself the chance to better show up for yourself.

4. Show yourself compassion along this journey! You are playing the long-game, not the short-game, so be patient and non-judgmental with yourself.

Have you noticed any other reasons you’ve struggled to meet your goals? Share in the comments!

And if one of your goals is to live a more inspired life this year, then download my free webinar, 4 ways to feel inspired by your life again!

And no matter what, make 2024 the year that you show up for yourself.

To book a free discovery session with Molly and start living your most fulfilled life, contact her at www.mollyancellocoaching.com/contact.