You were the golden child.
You were well behaved.
You didn’t question authority.
You idolized your parents.
You were expected to be perfect.
Most likely, you had a sibling that broke the rules.
But you didn’t.
No, there can only be one rule-breaker.
So your role was as rule-follower.
Because someone had to be the “good one”.
Someone had to not “cause trouble”.
So you became the “easy” child.
The one that they didn’t have to worry about.
And you played your role well.
And really, you liked the positive reinforcement you got from your parents.
And you judged your sibling, because well, it’s not really that hard to be good, you just follow the rules, right?
And your sibling was jealous of you because you were favored.
It’s not all golden for the golden child
The thing is, it wasn’t easy for the golden child either.
As the golden child, you learned that following the rules earned you your parents’ love.
Because in some ways, it did.
And this experience created a narrative for you, that love had to be earned.
This narrative may have showed up for you later in life, romantically, professionally, in your friendships, and even in casual acquaintances.
This narrative shows up when you hold back from speaking your mind because you’re afraid of making someone else feel uncomfortable.
This narrative shows up when you say yes to things that you don’t want to do, because you’re afraid of hurting other people’s feelings.
This narrative shows up when you people-please.
And this narrative yields a reality far from the one that you actually want.
Because the reality you want requires you to be brave enough to build it. And that means, you have to be brave enough to stand up for yourself and to prioritize the things that will lead you to that life.
And when you people-please, you betray yourself, and that leads to shame.
And you can’t build your dream life from the energy of shame.
So catch yourself when you are about to people-please, and choose to speak your truth anyway.
You can start small, like kindly rejecting a lunch invitation that you don’t want to attend.
And you can eventually move on to requesting that someone else on the team take on the project that you are overqualified for, and that you consult on it instead.
And then you can move onto speaking up when your parent crosses a boundary and choosing to say to them, “Please don’t speak to me that way.” Or, “I am going to be doing my own thing for the holidays.”
You have to choose you at all costs to get to your dream life.
Start small. But just start.
The golden child is not always golden tempered
The golden child never gets to have feelings.
So you never expressed yours.
Nor did you even realize that you had them.
And you never got to have an opinion.
If you tried to have one, it was shut down or silenced.
So you learned that in order to be lovable, you had to be quiet and small, without opinions and without feelings.
You needed to be a “good girl”.
A girl that doesn’t cause trouble.
A girl that acquiesces to others, always.
A girl that puts up with abuse and bad behavior.
A girl that puts herself last.
And this narrative shows up when you bottle up your emotions.
And when you act like you don’t have any feelings except happiness.
And when you put up with bad behavior even though you know it’s crossing a boundary and going against your values.
When you finally break down sobbing because you can’t hold it all together anymore, and then you feel ashamed because golden children don’t cry.
Golden children are grateful. You should be grateful.
At all costs, you should be grateful.
And so you gaslight yourself.
Because your inner child is trying so hard to be a good girl and be happy.
But my friend, you won’t build your dream life when you are gaslighting yourself.
So do me a favor, learn to break the rules.
Say no, when they expect you to say yes.
Walk away when they expect you to agree to something that you don’t agree with.
Be the bad kid — leave, challenge people, make them uncomfortable.
You don’t have to be a jerk about it. I know that’s not in your nature.
But you can do it with a smile. You can do it firmly yet kindly. You can do it with compassion, but with compassion for yourself first.
These are the boundaries that you must set, to get to your dream life.
Yes, you can do it.
The golden child never learned to trust herself or celebrate her wins
There was most likely an air of favoritism towards you, as the golden child.
This seemed to work in your favor as a child.
But your “goodness” was never really acknowledged, it was expected.
So as the golden child, you weren’t really seen and celebrated.
And you certainly weren’t seen and celebrated for who you truly were.
And that child turned into an adult who doesn’t know who she is or what her value is.
Because her value was intrinsically tied to pleasing others.
Being who others wanted her to be.
And this created an adult who has the task of figuring out who she is and what she wants.
I know this, because this is my story too.
And what this means my friend, is that it’s now your responsibility to uncover your identity and to choose who you want to be.
No one one told you that you could choose, I know.
But I’m telling you now.
You’re not where you want to be in life because you’re not WHO you want to be.
And you’re not who you want to be, because you have been living for everybody else.
You haven’t had a chance to explore yourself and what you want yet.
What’s the secret to getting closer to who you want to be?
1. Stop people-pleasing and start choosing yourself.
2. Stop gaslighting yourself and start setting boundaries.
There is no shortcut.
People wonder all the time how they can get to the life they want — the one where they are fulfilled, happy, and successful.
And it’s not by making some big changes and sweeping decisions. It’s in the seemingly small decisions that you make every day, to honor yourself.
Because in the process, you gain the trust in yourself that you need, to build the fulfilled, happy and successful life that you want.
And it’s trust in yourself, that you’re actually searching for.
And the golden child never trusted themselves. They didn’t really have to because there was always someone else telling them what to do and how to be.
But you, you’re not that child anymore. And you my friend, are capable of trusting yourself.
Start now.
And PLEASE, celebrate yourself along the way.
The golden child wasn’t celebrated because she had to be kept small and obedient.
But you’re not the golden child anymore.
So throw yourself a party, praise yourself on social media, speak your accomplishments in meetings, and eat a piece of cake, because you’ve earned it.
You are inherently worthy of it all.
Molly is a Self-discovery & Transformation coach, helping women rediscover themselves! She works with women who feel lost and unfulfilled, to guide them in finding their motivation, their inspiration, and in building a life that is truly authentic to them.
If you are ready to break some rules and find your own freedom, a great first step is to download my FREE Workshop “4 ways to feel inspired by your life again!” Because I know you want to not just live, but live inspired.
Comments