5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!! I said, smiling to myself, as if it were my little secret.
Meanwhile, most of the world had already started 2024- some were still out partying, some were asleep on their couches. And there I was, in my car, in a parking lot, as snow fell slowly around me, when the clock struck midnight.
It was the first New Years that I spent completely alone. And it was the best one yet.
Choosing me
New Years always felt so fake to me.
Like, why are we in skirts in freezing temperatures?
Why are we paying hundreds of dollars to eat a meal?
Why are we hanging out with strangers and drinking alcohol to celebrate a new beginning?
And why have 90% of my New Years been spent with people that are no longer in my life? Former boyfriends, past friends, even strangers!
Years ago, I decided that I only wanted to spend New Years with people that I cared about. Forget the pressure, forget looking cool, forget offending anyone.
And this year, I went a step further. I wanted to spend New Years alone.
Afterall, I am the only person that has been there for me, for every past New Years.
And I am the only person that I can guarantee will be there for me, for every future New Years.
And maybe that feels sad to you- that we are all just alone in the end.
In that case, I reference one of my favorite movie quotes:
“If we are all alone, then maybe we’re all together in that.” — P.S. I Love You
Becoming your own best friend
Now, I must confess, 20 minutes prior to sitting in my car alone, I was at a party with people I just met. I know! I know! Hypocrite! But hear me out…
This was a party that I chose to go to, not out of obligation or fear of being alone, but because I was excited to meet new people!
We ate someone’s Mom’s mac salad. We drank water and got high on laughs (Yes, I said that). Someone played the ukelele. There were kids. We sat on the floor by the fireplace. I wore my knitted winter hat the whole time.
In choosing to go to this (kind of) party, I chose me.
And in choosing to leave at 11:40pm to be by myself at midnight, I chose me too.
You see, building self-confidence really just means choosing yourself over and over again.
And a lot of times, that means choosing to be alone.
I chose to be alone a lot in 2023. And I believe that’s why it was the first year that I truly became my best friend.
Choosing to be alone
I was typing out a text recently, and I typed the word, “alone”. The emoji that was suggested to me was a sad face:(
I made a sad face for a different reason. Why are we so programmed to see being alone as sad?
Being alone wasn’t sad to me.
In fact, being alone is my favorite place to be.
You see…
I lost friendships in 2023. Ones that I didn’t expect to lose.
In choosing to only accept aligned relationships into my life, I chose to be alone instead.
I left a stable job and started a business in 2023.
In choosing to follow my passions and stop trading my time for a paycheck, I chose to be alone instead.
I faced challenges that I hadn’t anticipated and took financial risks that the people around me couldn’t understand.
In choosing to blaze my own trail, I chose to be alone instead.
I left a home that I loved and moved 3,000 miles away, to a place that I knew, and also didn’t know at all.
In choosing to leave my comfort zone and trust in myself, I chose to be alone.
I navigated constant triggers that brought back childhood pain that I thought I was over.
In choosing to face my past, I chose to be alone.
I realized that my inner child needed support in healing, more than I could have ever imagined.
In choosing to pour into my healing, I chose to be alone.
Underneath these headlines, lie the stories of all of the days in between.
And on these days, I faced my anxiety alone.
On these days, I chose my own company.
And so there I was, at the end of 2023, brave and broken, all at the same time.
That’s usually how it is, living in duality.
The power of alone
Alone is where you figure out your next step.
Alone is where you determine how to pivot.
Alone is where you make decisions.
If you don’t have the answers, then spend more time alone.
Journal. Work-out. Take a walk. Meditate. Paint something. Draw something. Write poetry. Feel things. Dance alone in joy. Rip up paper alone in anger. Listen to music alone in sadness. Go to the store alone. Try a new yoga class alone. Ride a bike alone. Go sledding alone.
Because as much as you want your partner, your friend, or your mother to understand, they can’t fully. Only you can.
So you have to be your own best friend.
Yes, get help from trusted sources:
Only I could decide to go back to therapy, to work with my coaches, to reconnect with aligned friends, to lean into art, and to build new communities.
And only I could decide what to do after.
It was in the process of breaking down, that I built trust in myself, and built my self-confidence.
So if you don’t know where you’re going, and you’re feeling the anxiety that comes with uncertainty…
Start looking inward. And start by being alone.
_________________________________________
If you want more ways to build your self-confidence, then download my free webinar, 4 ways to feel inspired by your life again!
To book a free discovery session with Molly and start being your most confident self, contact her at www.mollyancellocoaching.com/contact.
Commentaires