Somehow, our society has managed to convince us of two things:
1. That a successful life means accumulating more and more “things”
AND
2. That our goal should be to live a successful life
What follows is an endless chase of “the next thing on the list”, and an accumulation of more to-do’s on your to-do list.
So if you’re simultaneously exhausted by your to-do list, and unmotivated towards actually doing it, listen up!
The origins of your exhaustion
It starts early in life, at school.
We are given homework.
We join clubs, we join sports teams, we join musical groups.
We run for leadership positions.
We go to college and we do the same thing.
Then we are told that we need to find a partner, get a job, buy a house, and a few cars.
So we acquire those things.
We buy plants, we get pets, and eventually, many of us, have kids.
We spend the first 3rd of our lives acquiring! No wonder our lives feel like an endless list of to-do’s! That is a LOT to take care of.
You could also look at it this way: achievement = more responsibility.
Or so we’ve been told.
Because you can’t argue that acquiring each “thing” comes with more responsibility. And therefore, more pressure, more time, more attention.
And on top of this, we have been sold the lie that fulfillment = achievement.
So we have to keep striving for bigger, better, and more, in order to achieve more, and hopefully, some day, feel fulfilled.
And that means that our acquisitions are never enough.
And if fulfillment = achievement = more responsibility, then you’re living a life where you are continually adding responsibilities to your plate, on top of the ones you already have.
How exhausting is that. Right?
Is your exhaustion and lack of motivation making more sense now?
I hope so!
The root of unfulfillment
Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have goals or that we shouldn’t celebrate our achievements.
Afterall, being an adult does inherently come with more responsibility, and that’s ok. That’s part of our growth journey as humans.
But what I AM saying, is that taking care of things cannot be all we do.
What is the point of acquiring all of the “things” and constantly seeking more, if we’re going to feel unfulfilled and exhausted anyway?
And that is exactly where we’ve landed, my friend.
Unfulfilled. Exhausted.
And of course we are, because we have left no room in our lives for passion, spontaneity, and connection!
That’s why we’re stressed, unmotivated, and uninspired.
So my loves, it’s time to recalibrate.
Finding purpose
What does fulfillment mean to you?
Most people will say something along the lines of wanting to be happy, and wanting to feel like their life is important or meaningful in some way.
I find that what a lot of people feel they are missing, boils down to purpose.
And that feels scary because people think that if they acknowledge that, then they have to commit to finding their purpose. And where do you even start to do that!?
But…and stay with me here…what if you don’t? What if you don’t try to find your purpose?
What if your purpose isn’t even something that you have to find?
What if purpose is already inside you? What if you already are it?
I want to flip the script on purpose.
I don’t believe that you have one singular purpose waiting out there in the ether for you to discover.
Purpose is a way of life, not something you suddenly find. It’s not a destination that you arrive at and then finally you’re happy.
Start thinking of purpose as the way in which you intentionally live your life.
Intention is key.
Because up until now, let’s be honest, you’ve been on autopilot.
You’ve been on autopilot, acquiring and achieving whatever the next thing was on the list.
And let me be clear, there is no shame in that! You’ve built a beautiful life. Autopilot has worked up until now.
But the reason you’re not happy and fulfilled with this beautiful life, is because autopilot is no longer working for you.
And now you’re in your 30’s, and you’re experiencing something scary…dissatisfaction with the life you’ve built.
A feeling that there is something missing; something more.
And it’s because you’re ready for the next level, my friend.
That means no more autopilot. It’s time to intentionally choose your life.
The Purpose Equation
I want to introduce you to a concept called The Purpose Equation.
It goes like this: Passion + Skills + Service = Purpose
And these elements need a certain balance in order for you to feel fulfilled.
That doesn’t mean that they all have to be equal, but they have to be balanced — balanced in whatever way feels right for you.
The problem is that when we have lived most of our lives acquiring and achieving, we have put too many eggs in the “Service” basket.
We serve our kids, our partner, our family, our pets, our home, our employer, our teams, our manager, and so on.
Most people utilize their skills to some degree in their work or in their home life, so you will most likely have some eggs in the “Skills” basket.
But…and maybe you’ve already acknowledged this to yourself…we’ve completely forgotten to nurture our passions!
You see, all of these things that we’ve acquired require our care and attention.
Usually even our skills are utilized in service to others.
So the vast majority of our attention is directed outwards.
Passions is the part of the equation that is directed inwards. It’s just for us. It’s our refuge. It’s our motivation. It’s our safe space. It’s our joy.
So if you don’t feel fulfilled, you need to recalibrate your equation.
Take some things OUT of the Service basket and put some things IN to the Passions basket.
THIS is the way to move towards purpose.
I know you haven’t figured out your next step in life yet, and it doesn’t have to be big. I suggest starting with bringing one passion back into your life.
Because the more you move towards your passions, the more doors will open for you in fulfilling and purpose-filled directions that are aligned with who you truly are.
In summary, my friend…
Stop living on autopilot and acquiring more things and more responsibilities, for the sake of achievement.
You don’t need to “find your purpose”, in order to be fulfilled, purpose is a way of life that increases as you become more intentional about balancing your Purpose Equation.
Start being intentional about how you’re living, including taking some “Service” items off of your to-do list, and adding some “Passion” items back into your life — if you’re not fulfilled, then recalibrate!
The work is in stripping away everything that you’ve been told about what a successful life is, and deciding for yourself.
Maybe what you really want, is to spend 50% of your time on your passions.
Maybe what you really want, is to be more creative.
Maybe what you really want, is to let go of some of the responsibilities and pressure.
This is your life. You get to choose.
If you are in the Rochester, NY area, and you want MORE on harnessing purpose to create a passionate and meaningful life, then I invite you to my in-person workshop this Saturday, April 13th at 4pm ET.
Molly is a Self-discovery & Transformation coach, helping women rediscover themselves and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling to them. She works with professional women and new moms in their 30’s, who feel lost and unmotivated, and guides them in finding their motivation, their inspiration, and building a life that they truly love.
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