There are times in life when something happens that throws you off.
There are times when you are going through a life transition and you have no idea what you're doing.
And there are times when you find yourself starting a new chapter, either by choice, or by force.
These times are tough.
You feel unsettled not because your circumstances have changed, but because you don't trust yourself to navigate your new circumstances yet.
Every decision feels scary because everything is still new.
Compare it to a job...
When you start a new job, you feel self-conscious because you don't have historical or organizational knowledge yet. You don't have the experience to answer questions, and that feels unsettling.
When you are in a job that you've been in for years however, you feel confident and capable, even when things change suddenly, because you've built the trust in yourself over time, to be able to navigate whatever comes up.
And when it comes to life, there are so many more factors that can change: Any number of changes within your job, any number of changes within your relationships, your physical environment, your health and the health of others, etc.
And when navigating a new chapter, it's likely that many things are changing at once.
And when this happens, sometimes we have trouble making decisions.
We can't make decisions that align with our old self, because that's not our reality anymore. But we're in transition, so we're not really sure where we're going yet, to align our decisions to the future. So, of course we don't know what to do!
The worst part? We end up frustrated with ourselves for not being able to make quicker decisions, which only increases the anxiety we feel about making decisions in the first place.
The Hardest Shit Yet
If this sounds like I'm speaking from experience, I am.
In fact, the last year of my life has been transitional.
This transition has come with changes that I hadn't anticipated.
And for the last year, my anxiety has been heightened. Things have been messy.
But I know from experience, that when things are messy, it means you're leveling up.
But leveling up often feels unnecessarily harsh.
It requires tough realizations about what needs to change, and it requires letting go of habits, places, and even, people, who don't serve the new version of yourself that you're becoming.
The letting go has been the hardest part for me.
This season of life has asked me to leave behind friendships that I thought would be life-long.
It has asked me to let go of how I want my family to treat me, in favor of acceptance and motivation towards finding people that will be what I need.
It has required me to leave behind a home that I thought would be mine forever.
It has asked me to let go of what I thought this last year would be...what I hoped it would be...in favor of what it had to be, to get me to the next level.
And I guess, it had to be the hardest shit yet...
New challenges always feel like the hardest ones yet. Because you're doing something new, so of course it is actually the hardest shit yet!
Releasing the Pressure
During this season, my therapist said something to me that really changed the game for me.
I was so frustrated at my inability to make decisions, not knowing exactly which decisions were the "right" ones, for the me that I was becoming...because well, I wasn't her yet...but I was also not the old me either. See the dilemma?
I was feeling so anxious about a particular time-sensitive decision, and I was putting so much pressure on myself to say "yes" or "no".
My therapist said, "Maybe there's just not enough time to make that decision."
And immediately the pressure dissipated.
I realized, maybe it's simpler than I thought. Maybe there is not just "yes" or "no", maybe there is, "I can't make that decision right now."
I had been feeling so much pressure and therefore, shame, about not being able to make this decision; as if there was something wrong with me...
But there was nothing wrong with me at all!
Turns out, not being able to make quick decisions in a transitional season of life, was actually completely normal!
And I realized that it's ok if I don't have the answer right away. And it's also ok if I don't respond right away. And it's also ok to give myself space and time to figure it out, on my timeline, not on everyone else's.
And if my delayed decision creates an inconvenience or an annoyance for someone else, that's ok too!
This season has taught me that I can't control how other people respond.
What I can control is doing what I need to do for me. And sometimes, that means not making a decision.
And you know what? The pressure has melted away.
Figure Out How You Feel First
Before you actually make any decision, focus first on figuring out how you feel about the situation surrounding the decision.
Not what you think.
How you feel.
I make this distinction because our brain can rationalize any decision, so sometimes, thinking about the decision is actually not helpful.
But what happens if you don't know how you feel?
Firstly, have compassion for yourself. A lot is changing, you're levelling up, and all of this can feel incredibly destabilizing.
Secondly, focus on how your body feels when you are thinking about the decision.
Your body always knows the answer first. And if you feel anxious, nauseous, or tense when considering a decision, that is your body giving you a "no".
Listen to your body to figure out what you really want. Your body is actually your intuition. So work on listening to your body, and you'll develop a stronger intuition.
Still, in transitionary periods, it can be hard to connect with your intuition because it's already an anxiety-inducing season. So it can be tough to separate how your body feels in general, from how your body feels about a specific decision.
So thirdly, if you are struggling to hear your body, tune into your emotions.
Your body knows first, but your emotions know second! Your mind is of course, always last to know.
So in order to get clear on your emotions around this decision, journal about it. Free write all of your feelings about the decision, and what scares you.
Journaling can be a powerful tool to gain clarity on your emotions, to help you make an aligned decision.
In summary, if you are having trouble making decisions right now:
Give yourself space and time, and have compassion for where you're at in a tough season
Just don't make the decision! You don't have to feel rushed based on other people's timelines, if you can push it off, even if it makes others uncomfortable, do it!
Listen to your body to tune into your intuition. If that's too hard, journal to tune into your emotions. Your mind is always the last to know the truth, so don't try to think your way out of the dilemma
You got this, my friend! It won't always be like this. But this season is meant to teach you self-trust as you continue to up-level. All the answers you seek, are right within you.
Molly is a Self-discovery & Transformation coach, helping women rediscover themselves and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling to them. She works with professional women and new moms in their 30’s, who feel lost and unmotivated, and guides them in finding their motivation, their inspiration, and building a life that they truly love.
For more mindset shifts to get to your fulfilling life, download my FREE Workshop “4 ways to feel inspired by your life again!” Because I know you don’t want to just live, you want to be present and happy while doing so.
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