Why I procrastinate and why you should too

I am pro-procrastination.

Procrastination means that you are putting off doing something or making a decision.

And while you probably can't put off doing the dishes or the laundry for very long, you can put off making certain decisions.

When you are procrastinating, what is actually happening, is you are overwhelmed with the amount of decisions you have to make, and so you put them off.

Procrastination gets a bad rap.

It kind of feels like a dirty word, and so I'm going to rebrand it.

Procrastination is simply, taking your time.

I want you to take your time.

Take your time making decisions.

Take your time responding to people.

Take your time committing to plans.

Recently, I've been learning the art of taking my time.

It's been a complete departure from the proactive, to-do list driven and "get things done" attitude, that our culture rewards.

It's been a departure from my own expectations of myself.

It's disrupted what I thought was socially acceptable, and it's proven wrong my assumption that it would come with negative consequences. 

Why you should take your time

Being in a transition phase in life, means that you're still figuring out what feels right for the new you; the you that you are becoming. 

And during transition, there is anxiety, which gets in the way of connecting with your intuition, which is why it's so hard to know what to do.

In a transition phase, you are figuring out who you are and what you want.

And that in itself, is a departure from how you've been living.

Figuring out who you are and what you want, requires deep introspection and therefore, time.

It requires you to ask yourself hard questions about who you want to be, and it requires that you then align your decisions to who you want to be.

So take your time.

This is not just a transition, this is a transformation.

And transformations take time.

So take it.

Wait, especially when you feel pressure

In this season of life, it's important to have loads of compassion for yourself. 

Because you will feel all kinds of pressure.

Pressure to conform to what others want you to do.

Pressure to make decisions that are not aligned with who you are becoming.

Pressure to make decisions quicker than you feel comfortable doing.

You'll feel like you're letting people down. 

You'll feel the weight of the world on you.

You'll want to rush to make a decision based on what will make other people comfortable.

You'll want to rush to make a decision to alleviate your anxiety.

And this is exactly when you need to wait instead.

Wait past the time when it's comfortable for you.

Wait past the time that feels socially acceptable. 

Wait until the last damn minute!

I'm serious, I've been doing that lately, and I don't regret it.

You see, I've been invited to celebrations; I've been asked to do things and to go places, in moments where I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. 

Because I'm in a transition phase.

And with some people, I'm still figuring out where we stand.

I'm still figuring out how much energy I want to put into certain relationships.

I'm still figuring out my new and changing boundaries. 

So instead of rushing into a decision that I'm not sure about, I just don't make the decision right away.

I wait.

I take my time.

Prioritize decisions

During moments of transition, sometimes it can be a struggle just to make the decisions of that day, let alone decisions related to the next week or the next month. 

And lately, while going through this transition, I've had to prioritize one decision at a time. It's all I can do. 

So if there is a decision that I have to make one month from now, you can bet that I'm going to wait that month to make it.

And then I refocus my energy on the decisions of that day/week.

This has been a lesson in compartmentalization: 

Prioritize the more immediate decisions and wait on the rest.

There's been an unexpected gift within this season:  I've also gotten a lot better at managing my ruminations.

Your anxiety - that is, your mind's coping mechanism which is activated when it feels like you're in danger, actually becomes more balanced when you take some things off of the table and save them for later.

I have gotten a lot better at not worrying about future decisions or future consequences, because I am so focused on the decisions of today.

In a way, this painful growth process has taught me how to be more present, because I've only been able to focus on present decisions.

In fact, I have learned to worry less in general.

My compass is becoming clearer - I make decisions that align with who I want to be, not with other people's comfort level. 

And as I align to that, decisions are slowly becoming clearer.

Slowly.

What to do while waiting

So it's not enough to just put off decisions and hope that you'll be better able to make them at a future date.

You'll need to be proactive in trying to figure out "your truth" - that is, what feels true to you.

And this is the tough part; this is where the deep reflection comes in. 

When you are becoming a new version of yourself, with new boundaries and new expectations, it's important to support yourself in working out your truth. 

Because when your default has been making decisions for everyone else's comfort, you need to take your time to figure out what you want.

Moving away from people-pleasing is super uncomfortable! Your brain will try to convince you that you are in danger, you'll experience tons of anxiety, and you'll question yourself a lot.

And this is where you need to double down on making decisions that support who you are becoming, not who you were.

Here are three things that help me when I am having trouble figuring out what is true for me:

1. Speak your feelings out: Speaking your thoughts out loud is a great way to work through your feelings. That is why coaching is so powerful, because it gives you an outlet to speak through your thoughts, feelings, and decisions, so that you can dig through the fear and get to your truth. 

I'm also a big fan of speaking out loud to myself. Sometimes I will speak to myself in my car while driving, and sometimes I will go sit somewhere in nature (or in my car somewhere in nature). Being in nature connects me to something bigger, it calms me, and I find that I am really able to tune into what is true for me.

2. Write your feelings out: Speaking of nature, sometimes when I sit in nature, I bring a notebook and I write through my thoughts. I write down my fears, why I'm scared, why I'm confused, and why I want what I think I want. It's really helpful to get it all out on paper and as you write, your truth becomes clearer. 

You can write anywhere at any time, but I suggest trying to find a quiet place. It really is in the quiet that we can focus on our thoughts and feelings and really explore our truth. When there are other distractions or noises, it is very hard to tune into your truth. If you have to, drive to a local park and sit for 30 minutes and write, or speak, or both!

3. Cry your feelings out: Sometimes the weight of change, indecision, and overwhelm, is just too much. Sometimes, the pain of loss, disrespect, and disillusion, is too much. Sometimes, the process of healing feels like completely breaking down, and it's too much. And this is when you need to cry.

If you couldn't already tell, I'm a big fan of taking a drive somewhere in nature, and you can do so and do all three of these things! Find a quiet place of solitude, where you can fully express your pain - which might feel like fear, anger, or deep sadness. And yell, scream at the Universe, get it out, and I promise that after releasing that energy, you will already start to feel a sense of liberation.

Lastly, when you feel confusion during this transition process, remind yourself that you don't need to make "perfect" decisions. If you are 60% sure about a decision, that is enough! 

The false sense of consequences

One of the reasons it feels so uncomfortable taking your time, is because you think you're going to inconvenience other people by not making a quick decision.

And what I've found is that if you cannot give an answer, and that is your truth, the compassionate act of giving yourself time and space, actually invites others to give you compassion as well.

And when you live in your truth, you attract others that respect that. 

And contrary to what I thought, people are actually way more understanding than I expected, about not receiving a quick answer.

I didn't explain myself or give reasons, I just took the time I needed. And guess what? 

The people that want to be in my life, are still here.

They didn't run away or get angry because I burdened them. 

They showed me grace. Because I showed myself grace.

And that's not all I've learned about consequences of living in my truth.

I've also learned that I will disappoint and upset people when living in my truth.

And whereas an old version of me would have wanted to avoid that at all costs, the me that I am now, is ok with that.

I have gotten comfortable with the uncomfortable consequence of disappointing people.

People that I know and people that I don't know. 

People that I love and people that are strangers.

It's ok to disappoint people, as long as you are doing your best to live in your truth. 

And it's ok if you feel guilty about it. 

But don't let your guilt or fear of disappointing others, impact what you decide to do.

That would be people-pleasing, and you are no longer that person.

Keep living in your truth. Keep disappointing people.

The uncomfortable feeling of disappointing others, is part of your growth.

And you're doing great.

In summary:

- Take your time! You are transitioning, and even moreso, you are transforming! Give yourself grace.

- Don't respond right away! If you feel pressure to respond or to make a decision, that is a great indicator that you need to wait to make a decision.

- Prioritize the most immediate decisions, and put off the rest - until the last minute if necessary!

- Be proactive in reflecting on the decisions you have coming up: Go somewhere quiet, in nature, and speak, write, and cry out your feelings!

- Living in your truth attracts people who respect your truth, it moves you away from people-pleasing, and it helps you get comfortable with normal healthy feelings of guilt - this is growth!

So my friend, take your time. Procrastinate.

And don't apologize for it.

Sending you big hugs in your transformation.

Molly is a Self-discovery & Transformation coach, helping women rediscover themselves and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling to them. She works with professional women and new moms in their 30’s, who feel lost and unmotivated, and guides them in finding their motivation, their inspiration, and building a life that they truly love.

For more mindset shifts to get to your fulfilling life, download my FREE Workshop “4 ways to feel inspired by your life again!” Because I know you don’t want to just live, you want to be present and happy while doing so.