Recently, many of my relationships have shifted.
I moved back to my hometown after almost ten years away, and in that time, I have completely changed as a person.
I have committed my life to my continual growth. I have healed childhood wounds that were inflicted upon me by those I love the most. I have learned to choose myself over all else, no matter what.
This has been a difficult path, and one that has required me to be intentional towards healing generational trauma.
And coming back, I’ve realized that I don’t fit into many of the relationships that I did before I left.
In fact, there are people in my life that I’ve considered never speaking to again.
And the thought of that has scared me more than I can express.
Actually, it’s not the thought that scared me, it’s the fact that for the first time in my life, I know I would do it.
I know that I would be willing to cut out the people that have been the most important ones in my life.
Because I would do anything for myself.
My self-love is so deep that I would rather be alone than around people who can’t or won’t honor me.
And that’s also a lonely path.
But one I wouldn’t change for the world.
If you keep growing, you’ll get here too
What I’ve come to realize, is that this is a natural consequence of growth.
When you commit to your own growth in an intentional way, you will inherently outgrow people and relationships.
Some people, you will move on from. With others, your relationship will fundamentally change, because it has to, in order for it to survive to meet your new standards of safety.
Bumping up against the reality of my growth, and the way that I don’t fit into old dysfunctional patterns anymore, has been extremely uncomfortable, to say the least.
But it has led me to a very important point in my journey: The one where I don’t need anyone, even the people most important to me.
And it’s fucking scary to realize that because what it also means is that I’d be willing to cut out anyone from my life, if it is what is best for me.
And by anyone, I mean: my father, my mother, my sister, my extended family, my longest standing friendships…literally, anyone.
That may sound harsh, but let me tell you why it’s an important part of your growth journey too.
Because once you realize that you don’t need anyone, you get to choose who you want in your life and which relationships you put energy towards.
The lucky ones who get to stay, can be sure that you are not just engaging in the relationship out of habit or convenience, but out of intention.
You get to choose who stays, who goes, and which relationships need more boundaries and limitations, in order for you to feel safe in them…in other words, you get to choose which relationships are worth that effort and which ones are not.
This is a place of so much power.
The power to choose
I wasn’t ready for that kind of power when it arrived in my life.
I was comfortable just accepting my relationships as a given, because it’s what I knew and it’s what was expected of me.
But I was pushed to the edge and forced to choose: Me or them.
And I chose me.
Without knowing it, I stepped into my power.
I didn’t realize it because it felt chaotic and I spent an entire year full of anxiety, in survival mode.
I couldn’t recognize the power, because it felt like loss.
I feared it because it felt threatening.
It felt like all of my relationships were in jeopardy.
And they were, in a way.
I cursed the Universe because it felt like it was taking everyone from me.
But what it was actually showing me, was that I have the power to choose, exactly because I don’t need anyone.
When you change, others change too
Realizing that I will protect myself at all costs, has asked for more intention from the people around me.
You see because when people see that you aren’t afraid to give them up, then they get to choose too.
They get to choose what they do next: Do they decide to see you and honor you? Or do they decide to let you go?
And to be honest, I thought my family would let me go. I thought if I walked away, they wouldn’t try to stop me.
But I’ve seen intention. And it’s important that I do, because I’ve held the burden of healing these relationships alone, for far too long.
It’s time for them to do their work. Or not.
This journey has shown me who is willing to step up, change, and try harder, and who is not ready.
It’s been messy and devastating.
In the process, I’ve learned that I don’t need anyone.
But I want the people who are willing to change, willing to try, and the ones who want to honor me for who I am today.
Molly is a Self-discovery & Transformation coach, helping women rediscover themselves and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling to them. She works with professional women and new moms in their 30’s, who feel lost and unmotivated, and guides them in finding their motivation, their inspiration, and building a life that they truly love.
For more mindset shifts to get to your fulfilling life, download my FREE Workshop “4 ways to feel inspired by your life again!” Because I know you don’t want to just live, you want to be present and happy while doing so.
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